Resonance - This article is part of a series.

Part 8: This Article

##Episode 8: The Labyrinth

Joji found himself being led back through the dark tunnels of the base in a blurred haze. His steps were heavy; his boots shuffled along the dusty concrete floors and he stumbled back to his room. He collapsed onto his bed and the door slammed shut - the walls closed in around him and his room suddenly felt like a dingy dark grey cell.

The weight of emotion anchored him to the bed; the roar of defiance that he needed, was trapped and locked in an endless loop of lagging processing - trying as he may to make sense of his options and his feelings, the void in his heart remained a silent and numb shell.

The next several days came and went in a similar haze, as Joji found himself stuck in pure inertia.

He peeled himself away from his bed out of learned guilt of sitting still; and yet whenever he stepped foot outside of his dark cell, he was followed and shadowed by one or two minders who kept watch of his every step. Not only were the metaphorical walls of his mind closing in, but he also had to contend with the endless tunnels of rigid, lifeless, concrete. The dry air and flicker of the lights felt almost as soul destroying as the polished greys and whites of the UGA buildings and the morbid back alleys of the metropolis; and despite his frequent walks from his room to the canteen, and his room to the interrogation for more friendly questioning, Joji still could not navigate the tunnels without assistance.

Worse still, he felt a creeping unease grow in the back of his mind.

He felt the weight of the darkness of the shadows, and the walls around his mind plagued his mind. There was no escape, and no relaxing - he felt bound and watched. Every waking moment he felt the crushing and strangling presence of anxiety; and he could forever hear the flickering static even when all else was silent.

Around every corner he felt danger; in every shadow and dark tunnel he felt unease. And somewhere he felt a pull from the abyss. Something was talking to him and looking for him, and he felt its gravity as he wandered the tunnels of the base. Joji was on edge; and yet he felt enamoured by the pull - a desire to find and accept it.

The only sense of familiarity in the dark was Mikkel. Despite the hovering and clear instruction to watch over him like a shadowing jailor, Joji had grown quite fond of his presence. It was friendly and warm, in a paternal and reassuring manner, but without the hard edges that Joji would normally associate with such figures. Mikkel reminded him of someone, and yet Joji could not place the face nor name; it was simply the feeling and sense of a presence from his past.

Both Aris and Director Ryu had pressed Joji on both his intent and plans, and yet Joji felt just as incapable to answer as he had during his talk in the officer room.

His answers remained blunt, and despite the logic being thrown at him, something inside was keeping his thoughts locked and immobile.

Joji had already decided to leave once before; he had already made the decision to break free from the responsibility and burden of society, and had decided on seeking the peace and sanctuary that his mind had been craving - to now be thrust into taking some responsibility for a world that had rejected him felt like a cruel irony and an ask that felt too much. He had sought companionship, understanding, and commonality for too long with no reply; to now be asked to give even more of himself to an ambiguous cause and untrustworthy people - despite his hatred and disdain for the world which the UGA had created - felt like too much.

✧

Joji had found himself wandering aimlessly, albeit allowing his footsteps to follow the faint pull of his curiosity from the deep. He had known it was night by the regular clocks dotted sporadically throughout the tunnels. He had not seen the sun or stars for days, and the lurking shadow was growing darker in his mind.

Mikkel had been assigned elsewhere, and so Joji felt the stalking presence of a stranger haunting his walk. It was a man he had not seen before.

He had left his room and had walked for nearly an hour through the maze. There was an order of sorts to the tunnels; but any signs of order were confined to the main, larger tunnels. Joji had allowed his feet to guide him - even if he became lost in the tunnels, he would rely on his handler to direct them back, as Mikkel had done on the previous night.

Joji heard the faint echo of laughter bouncing and reaching out from the darkness of the maze and he allowed his curiosity to take the wheel. Joji looked nervously behind him as he rounded the corner; and stepped out of sight of his handler. In front of him was a junction in the tunnels. To his right he saw another junction; the lights flickered with irregularity and the air felt heavier; even the floor felt slightly declined as though leading into the depths of the earth. He looked behind him again and could hear the clunking boots of his stalker chase him from around the corner.

To the left of the junction the laughter felt closer; it was jovial and lighter. Joji looked to the right again and into the darkness of the tunnel.

He could make it to the next corner before his handler could get past the junction…

Joji’s heart jumped a beat and he felt the silent but sharp sting of the pull into the darkness.

He took one final look behind him and reached out into the shadows. Joji sensed invisible and sinister eyes watching him from the depths of the tunnel. It felt like freedom, with a cost. And yet, despite the warning in his soul, he felt compelled to step forward.

“Hey, you!” came a shout in the opposite direction.

Joji froze. The sound of bouncing laughter had disappeared, and giggles together with stumbling, uncoordinated, heavy footsteps bouncing off the concrete took their place. Joji turned around and saw a group of men, drinks in hands, striding towards him.

He glanced once more into the dark to his right, and felt the urge to sprint into the shadows; but before he could, a large calloused hand grabbed hold of his shoulder.

The sharp smell of ethanol and stale sweat rushed through Joji and he flinched. He felt locked in place, as several large, swaying men now surrounded him.

“Well who do we have here then?” questioned the large man who was now leaning on Joji; his hand clenched far too tightly on his shoulder.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, what’s the matter -eh?” giggles ensued and the man thrust a metallic flask into Joji’s chest. “Drink up lad, there’s no need to be glum!”

Joji felt the weight of expectation and stared at the metallic flash now being waved in front of his face. He felt the drunk eyes of those around him judging him, cutting through him, weighing him up-

“Cut it out man,” and one of the other drunks slapped the flask away from Joji and ripped it from the calloused hand. “If anyone is having more of this, it’s me! Leave the poor guy alone.”

“Aww, Blue, you’re such a softy!” the man slapped his interfering comrade on the back and the crowd jostled them both. Joji took a step backwards and grimaced as his senses took in more of the burning smell of ethanol.

“So come on then!? Who are ya?” The calloused hand now wrapped Joji up like an embracing hug. “Come on, chat with us! It’s not often we get access to some good old high quality booze!”

Joji was saved again, this time by the crashing footsteps of his handler. The group turned.

“Franken?!” shouted one of the drunks, “what on earth!”

The handler slowed to a stop and caught his breath - his wide eyed, frantic expression eased. “Waki? Sam? Lads!”

The group greeted the handler, Franken, like long lost friends. Franken happily took a metal flask from one of the men and his otherwise stiff demeanour melted away.

“Babysitting?!” laughed Waki, a very large, portly man. “This guy?!” All eyes focused once more on Joji, who had felt the sweet relief of attention being focused on Franken for a moment.

“Look, you know I can’t say anything.” said Franken, hands now up apologetically.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever! Come here you.” Waki wrapped Franken up in another embrace, “Now come on, both of you,” Waki glanced over to Joji purposefully, “it’s a good night, we have drink, let’s relax!”

“Come on Franken, tell us, if you were one of those UGA Advisory Members - Viktori, Gholden, Streatha-”

“-Stratham”

“What? Right Stratham, who cares, you know who I mean! One of those seven rich fucks, what would you be doing?” quizzed Waki.

“Me owning something like Gholden Corp…” Franken took a swig of the metallic flask, “what is the catch?”

“The catch? Lighten up man, it’s just a game, don’t overcomplicate it! You wake up and you’re one of those fuckers, what would you do?”

Franken stroked his chin before smiling, “you mean what would I do if I woke up in a tower in the skies, the entire UGA at my whim, as many wives as I could ever want? Hmm well one thing i do know… I certainly wouldn’t ever see you losers again!”

“As sentimental as ever!”

The group laughed, and Joji stood on the periphery. He faked a smile to avoid the watching glances, but he was scanning nervously; he felt the tight knot in his stomach and the stench and grumbling laughter was already wearing thin on his patience.

Waki rubbed his round belly, and pondered to himself with a now softer, curious tone, “Just think, you could eat anything you wanted… whenever you wanted. It would be heaven on earth.”

Sam slapped his belly hard, the crash echoed and bounced off the walls; and the group erupted with laughter.

“You know,” started one of the drunks, “I’ve heard they get up to some weird shit.”

“Weird, like what?”

He shrugged, “Well you know the stories, islands and kids…”

“You think that shit is real?” Franked asked.

“Oh come on, don’t be naive, man! Those guys are untouchable, and it’s pretty much a requirement for even a politician to be a creep, let alone one of those guys, of course it’s true!”

“Yeah, I guess, kinda sad if you think about it-”

“Oh get a grip! Drink this you soppy git and tell me what you’d do with all that damn money!”

Joji took a deep breath and allowed his mind to wander. He had tried to at least pretend to be present, but it was now clear that he couldn’t force his attention for any longer. He was a bystander standing on the edge looking in.

This he was used to.

The drinking and laughter continued, and Joji gradually faded to the edge of the group. He had tried to maintain some level of emotion on his face for as long as possible, but it had now become evident that even that was no longer necessary.

Franken was now arm in arm with Waki, and the pair of them were being egged on by the group as they sang. They were simultaneously dancing, and using each other for support.

Joji felt the soft touch of something on his neck. It happened quickly, and yet he felt stuck in the moment for long enough for him to be aware of the rolling touch up and around his ear. He shivered as an icy sensation ran down his spine.

Joji turned, and saw nothing but the dark empty tunnel. He felt the overwhelming sense of being urged to flee into the abyss.

He scanned the drunk faces of the group in front of him, and he felt like a ghost in the presence of the living. He was all too aware of existing, seemingly, in a world of his own and separate from others; but now, standing on the edge of a group of parading and laughing friends, he could use his invisibility to his advantage. Joji’s shoulders relaxed and his clicked his neck.

He gracefully spun on his heels, and simply strode off towards the darkness. He knew someone would shout if they saw him. But, under the wind of renewed confidence and under the influence of the call from the shadows, he stepped forward with resolve and vigour. He knew he only had to get to the junction, and then he was free to run into the shadows. Even if they turned and saw him, he could lose him amongst the labyrinth and corners of the maze of tunnels.

Step by step, he edged closer to the corner; and then he felt safe.

He darted off into the darkness and reached out, grabbing hold of the thick air as though to pull himself faster to the next junction and to disappear.

✧

He had walked for what felt like hours. The last clock he had seen was with the group before darting off into the unknown.

Joji inched forward through the darkness; each step, irrespective of his care and softness of his stride, reverberated in the otherwise silence of the tunnel. His wandering through the labyrinth had felt guided by divine and unknown purpose, but now Joji was starting to doubt whether or not he was being led to complete loss and abandon at the heart of a forgotten and deserted part of the base.

His heart fluttered, and for a brief moment, panic set in and hope was extinguished. His agency, that for so long had been hijacked and shackled, had led him to a forgotten part of a maze. It wasn’t the feeling of never escaping that hurt so much; but rather it was the realisation that ever since finally making a decision to leave, ever since finally taking action, much like his wandering through the darkness, his own actions had been leading him to darker and more perilous locations.

Joji’s footsteps suddenly felt dramatically heavier, as though his boots had been filled with dense metal and being dragged through a marsh on a wet day.

He stumbled, and fell to one knee, propping himself up with all of his remaining energy. Joji felt that he had found the wall in his mind. The feeling of paralysis when his body finally gave way despite all motivation and eagerness.

He slapped his forehead with his hand, and the sound echoed through the darkness.

It was something he still could not contend with; the acceptance that his will alone was not enough, he was limited by his body and mind. Memories came flashing back to Joji of inadequacy and failure.

He felt his mother telling him that he could do and be anything that he wanted. He felt the belief, and he had carried it with him. Whatever struggle Joji had faced, he had out fought, and out worked, every challenge and hurdle. He felt his eyes fill with water as the wave of emotion flooded his body.

He couldn’t do this.

Joji replayed the conversations of relationships; the looks on disappointed faces and the feelings of guilt and hurt as everyone discovered that he simply couldn’t or wouldn’t do or be as they wanted. Joji felt the weight of hurting those he loved again and again; and now that same feeling was infecting his system and multiplying, all over again.

They never saw what he felt: that he had to repeatedly accept that he couldn’t be who they wanted. He was incapable. No matter how hard he tried. No matter how hard he wished he could.

And now he was lost again, alone in the dark.

✧

Joji laid on the hard, cold floor, eyes wide open staring into the nothingness.

He had even become detached from the soft humming of the static in his mind.

He felt the soft and gentle whisper of air ticking his ear. He rolled to his side, and saw, in the darkness, the faintest flicker of light along a crease in the wall. He cautiously got to his knees and ran his fingers across the layers of dust on the wall.

He felt the indention clearly, and ran his hands higher. He dug his nail into the crevice as deep as he could push before pain shot through his finger tip. Joji tried again, and felt the sharp metal catch beneath his nail. He pulled with all his might, and for a split second the material under his hand moved, before his nail lost its leverage and his hand shot backwards.

He had found a panel in the wall.

Joji felt compelled.

He tried once more to find any lip in the panel’s edge that might give him the leverage to pry it open, to no avail.

Instead, Joji hit it.

Once, twice - this time harder.

One final attempt, this time he’d use his body weight. He stood against the opposite wall and took a deep breath.

He launched himself at the panel on the wall - and it gave way.

The panel collapsed inwards and Joji crashed through and found himself falling downwards, before colliding with the floor below him. The air felt lighter, and he was instantly hit by sharp light in a now massive room. A hangar.

Joji suddenly felt the overwhelming and overbearing presence of something familiar. It ran over him like the weight of a raging storm; it was then that he saw the flash of neon purple eyes in his mind and felt a sharp jolt through his chest.

He slowly peered over and found himself on a metal platform overlooking the giant white Seraph in the hanger.

“Nice of you to drop in.” said a soft voice from behind him.

Joji twisted quickly, and he saw her.

Rin was sitting on the metal grate of the platform, arms wrapped around her knees.

Episode 7 - Binary Choice

Episode 9 - Coming Soon