Episode 14: Burden to Bear
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Joji sat having been forced on the defensive by Ryu’s emotional plea.

The bombardment of information was crashing down on his mind; he understood what Ryu was saying - but the emotion and new data washing over him had started to bottle neck. He scratched the back of his head and rotated his head side to side, attempting to release the air bubbles in his neck.

He clicked his knuckles and took a deep breath. Joji closed his eyes and tried to regain his composure.

The image of Ryu standing at his feet entered his mind once more. Joji felt the surge of energy flowing through his body and he momentarily felt weightless. He felt in tune with life itself - he felt different; he felt as though he was the Seraph itself.

The thought stole his consciousness for him and a sharp pain shot through his temple. He opened his eyes to the now purple hue of the lighting in the room. The icy chill in the air had lost its relief, and now felt like a mere inconvenience of fluttering nothingness; as though the nerve endings on his body had turned themselves off.

“They will turn this place to ash,” said Ryu. “You have seen it - but this time, rather than being surgical and quick, it will be slow, deliberate, cruel, and painful. They will stop at nothing to ensure the destruction of the Seraph.”

Joji flinched as a sharp pain shot through his head once more; static filled his vision and he heard the corrupted flicker of white noise. He clenched his fist tightly, and could feel a pulsing sensation behind his eyes.

“Or the alternative… which I fear is far, far worse.”

Ryu paused and looked at the diorama of the colonies.

“They will seek to control it, and their pursuit will be relentless. Our dreams, the hope for the entire solar system, will be turned to dust under the incinerated and charred bones of every single person here, and the Seraph will stand above it all; yielding a new and unchallenged reign of terror on everything.”

Joji could feel his body burning up. He had absorbed Ryu’s words, but his thinking had stopped. His consciousness was flowing through to the dam that was now shut, and the energy was piling up at the closed gate. He could sense it getting darker; the gate was holding it all back but he could feel something sinister brewing on the other side.

Joji was spiralling.

The purple hue of the air was closing in from all angles, and the flickering static of his vision grew more wild and erratic.

He shut his eyes tight, and rubbed his temple, feeling his now damp skin under his fingers.

Ryu sighed loudly, and Joji looked up at him. The sigh cut through Joji’s last line of defence and landed as though a barbed wire being dragged through his mind. Joji’s focus sharpened, and his vision cleared with Ryu at the center. Jojji’s breathing slowed and noise and static dissipated.

He clenched his fist-

“I’m sorry,” said Ryu with soft melancholy and a hint of resignation. He exhaled. “I feel drained. This planet has stolen my hopes and dreams, and I long to go home. I long for my family.”

He paused and looked now at Joji.

“I’m tired of the unfairness of it all.”

The tension in Joji’s clenched fist loosened, and he too took a deep breath out. It was as though his entire being had deflated, and the purple flame had quietly died down and extinguished itself.

“I understand,” said Joji flatly.

The pair of them sat in the warm hue of Ryu’s room, staring into nothingness. Neither of them were willing to break the quiet that had descended upon them.

Finally, Joji spoke once more.

“I don’t know if I can do it,” he said softly, “I want to, more than anything. I don’t want to let people down.”

“What are you saying?” asked Ryu.

“I will help,” replied Joji quickly, “I’m not changing my mind. I… I can’t change my mind. It’s just, it’s hard. All I can remember is the unfairness and the inequality. In the metropolis… you aren’t even seen as a rat… you’re a disposal cog of a machine. You can feel it, day after day, wearing you down, draining you… You can see it in people’s eyes, and yet, no one says anything. Navigating that at the same time as just living; it’s hard. It’s hard not to let people down.”

“And now…” Joji continued, “and now when it’s really real, when it really matters, when the world needs me… I can’t help but feel like I’m drowning at the very thought of the responsibility? What if I let down everyone who finally starts to believe in something? What if I can’t bring you back to your family?”

Director Ryu edged forward on his seat; he looked at Joji and smiled, before looking down.

“Joji Sekko, I am an old man. It is my life’s wish to get home, it is true. I long to feel the harsh air on my skin once more, and smell the iron as I did as a child. I long to see my family. I fear for the future of every living being both in the colonies and here on Earth, and you have given this old man some semblance of hope that perhaps we can make a difference. But,” Director Ryu’s face now turned stern.

“My hopes and dreams are my own and are my responsibility. Who I put my faith in is my choice, and my burden to bear.”

“Now,” said Ryu, leaning back into the armchair, “tomorrow morning you will report to Kaelen. He needs to map some lingering telemetry from your data from the Seraph. I meant what I said about the Seraph Joji; we can’t risk the UGA getting hold of it. But… you can begin training with our mechs. They are not exactly Seraph level, or even on the level of the most recent UGA models, but clearly you have a proficiency for this, and we need every person we can. You will also go out on some missions in person; it’s time for you to start earning your food around here.”

Joji nodded, and stood from the comfy chair in the corner of Ryu’s room. Director Ryu stayed sitting, sinking deeper into the armchair.

He left the room and as the door slid open, the warm dense air of the tunnel swept over him and wrapped him like a hot, damp blanket.

Joji left the room feeling somewhat resigned, but ultimately hopeful. He had found himself at the top of a flowing river and he had left his conversation with Director Ryu feeling as though he was now powerless to climb the banks or offer any direction or say as to where he might end up. The Seraph was his opportunity to fly free, and yet, even that too seemed to now be out of reach for the time being.

What he did also see, however, was that Director Ryu was also neck deep in the same river, and perhaps so too was all of the men and women in the base who now had some inkling of hope in where they were going, together.

He had expected to see Mikkel to chaperone him back to his room; but he was nowhere to be seen.

As he started his stroll down the grungy grey concrete tunnel, Joji became all too aware of the weight of the air filling the corridor of the base. He had been here now for too long, and the weight of the world above him, both metaphorically and physically, was starting to take its toll. He craved the feeling of grass and the tender touch of sunlight on his skin.

His walk was a haze of daydreaming and ignorant bliss, as he weaved his way through the dark tunnels of the base, dodging the autonomous walking and piercing eyes of passersbys as he did. Apt, he thought, was the description of rats, when life had become burrowing through dark tunnels hidden from nature and life itself.

He steered the corner near to his room, and he felt the comforting embrace and gentle caressing of his senses from afar; he looked up to see Rin hovering by his door.

Joji’s pace slowed, and he became all too aware of how painfully awkward and conscious his movements had become.

“Oh, Joji,” she spoke as she looked up and saw him, “I was waiting for you.”

“You were?” queried Joji in reply.

“I wanted to see how you were doing.”

Joji could feel the blood flushing to his cheeks and he fought to prevent any hint of a smile forming on his dry lips.

“Oh? Yes, I’m okay thank you. How are you doing?”

Rin flicked the hair from off her face, and smiled. Her smile filled him with a deep and long missing happiness, it had an innocence and a sincerity that grounded him in ways that he had not known prior.

“Good, I was worried about you. We all were.”

Despite the sincerity in Rin’s smile, Joji felt something in the air between them. A divide, or perhaps something unspoken that was polluting the energy between them.

“Anyway,” she continued, “I just wanted to check in.”

With that she turned and walked away down the corridor, not looking back or saying goodbye.

Joji spent the rest of the day resting in his room; ruminating, thinking, pondering. He recalled his dream about Rin and he replayed each moment he had spent with her in his mind.

There was something that didn’t feel real about her; she felt otherworldly in all the right ways and she lingered on his thoughts and emotions like a heavenly scent on a cool breeze - but there was something, something that didn’t feel real. It wasn’t a feeling of being too good to be true, he could see her imperfections and flaws - of which added more to her humanity and realness. No, there was something missing in her, that was now playing on Joji’s mind.

He sighed deeply as the weight of the day was becoming more evident. He looked at the dark musky shadows on the ceiling of his room, and took note of the mechanical clunking and banging from elsewhere in the base as the vibrations and noises leaked their way into his space. Slowly, he faded into the depths of his slumber.

Episode 13 - The Colonies

Episode 15 - Coming soon