As I continue on a path of self-reflection and self-discovery in an attempt to better understand myself and my place in all of this, the more I find myself rejecting the very society and systems that I exist within. It is a lonely journey; the closer I get to myself, the further I move away from everyone else and from the world around me.

There is a sense of detachment and isolation that is inevitable when, after stripping everything back, you find that actually your very being and existence is an antithesis to the world that you find yourself. To exist outside of the system gives a unique perception. It gives one a sense of existing between realms or dimensions.

Being out of alignment with the fabric of society allows you to better understand yourself at the frequency at which you operate. To be free from the shackles of the world, its expectations and norms, is liberating, but also terrifying. It is as though you have pierced the edge of the universe and have been able to step through, to exist seperate from all that there is so that the chaos and beauty within your own mind can re-calibrate and settle. In doing so though, you are left with the profound and alarming awareness at just how distinct you are, and frankly, just how incompatible you are with the wider system.

And when the wider system is everything that we know, it begs the question as to just what there is to do?

Rejecting everything that you once knew and unplugging yourself from the machine is a conscious action that puts you at odds with society. Jumping off the mountain to truly embrace yourself, is act of courage and bravery that is very rarely seen. We are all conditioned to be who we are, we are shaped and defined by our usefulness or our contributions to economies. We are a reflection of society; and when that society is broken and failing, it is us ourselves who live broken and failing lives under the guise of normality and conformity.

I have found myself reflecting on my isolation from the world, and have found myself overcome with a deep and profound grief for something that is still unnamed. The more I delve on the feelings, the more I ache and the more I yearn for it; and yet I am unable to understand that what is missing. I can feel it deep within me, a missing piece that has left an indescribable void - a black hole that absorbs all energy and attention, all thoughts of what is missing are destroyed and swallowed by the abyss.

And yet, by way of a cosmic contradiction, the closer that I get to that what is missing, the more violent and forceful the resistance outwards. It is a secret. It is something that is forgotten, and that is fighting to remain forgotten.

But, that feeling, that missing piece, is not confined merely to me. It is a heavy and numbing overriding sensation that the world has forgotten something important. It is as though someone had stolen the moon, and we woke up to find something missing, without knowing quite what. It is like waking up without being able to feel the breeze on your face and forgetting what it felt like. It is like waking up and not hearing a sound, but simply forgetting.

It is as though all of the stars have gone missing from the night sky, and no one has the faintest of idea that they even existed. And then at night time we would look to the sky and see nothing, and we’d feel something, we’d have a sense of loss and grief for something that once was. We’d look up every night and see nothing, and yet we’d keep looking and keep searching. It is a terrible ache, a secret that was once known and now forgotten.

I find myself reflecting ever more on those times where my the frequency within me has come closest to aligning with the outside world. Those times when rather than feeling as though I exist outside of a system, my true self and the power within me veers closest to the surface. Rather than operating at a completely different frequency to everything around me, it is the times that I can almost function as myself in my true form, in alignment with my surroundings.

It is those times when I feel fused with the world - when I am allowed to be; there is no doing, but pure being - pure presence.

It is in these states of flow that I find myself.

It is in these moments that I feel a sense of familiarity and a sense of remembering. Perhaps it is in these very moments that that missing piece becomes visible, even for a moment? Perhaps it is when I am allowed to truly be, where I am operating at my own frequency, that I am afforded the clarity and sense of purpose to be afforded the privilege and power of seeing that what is missing.

The answer, therefore, seems to be that one must seek out flow experiences and that the world is missing the authenticity and effortless that comes with living truly in the moment, at the edge of one’s abilities, and in true harmony with themselves and their surrounding.

I fear that I will never truly be happy whilst I am missing that something. Regardless of circumstances and surroundings, missing that piece feels as though part of my soul is dead. Everything can be okay, it can be objectively good, but it will never be good enough.

It is that feeling that there must be more; there must be something else. And it feels like a curse to have noticed and to have felt it. To have a sense of profound realisation that true happiness and contentment may be forever out of reach because of the absence of some unnamed and unknown thing is unsettling and troubling. It is sad. It is difficult to comprehend.

Seeing this as something being missing, I’m sure it common. It gives us an object of desire, a place, a destination that once reached brings the prize of joy.

My fear, is that there is nothing missing.

My fear is that some people are not meant for the world that we found ourselves in. They are so far out of alignment that it is not an issue of missing something either from themselves or society, but an issue of incompatibility. There is a hopelessness to that that numbs the senses; and even when attempted to be spoken with a flow or poetic prose, the reality is a deepening isolation. It is breaking through the edge of the universe to find that there is nothing else but all that is within, and darkness.

There is comfort in knowing that there are opportunities to become one with yourself and to experience flow. It is finding serenity within danger and intensity. It is in these moments that you are allowed to flourish as yourself because you are now in sync - your energy and frequency is finally aligned with your surroundings; and rather than feeling as though you are drifting through life like a ghost, observing all that is, feeling understimulated and overstimualted simultaneously, you are finally allowed to be and to show yourself.

But, whilst there is comfort in knowing that there is respite; there is a heaviness that when existing outside of that flow state, you are again a contradiction and forced to endure and to survive, rather than existing and living. And after all, most of what society expects, and most of what it, and people expect from us, are the boring and mundane - norms and traditions and ways of being that simply do not ever reach the threshold of stimulating us to the point of entering flow.

When your inner self is so deep, intuitive, and emotionally vast, entering this state may well be the only time when your internal world matches the intensity of the external world. It may be the only time one can feel at home. When the rest of life feels muted, chaotic, or too slow, this state gives you a taste of alignment. It’s not just peace; it’s belonging.

And so whilst I yearn for that missing piece, that something that the world has long forgotten, so that perhaps it is out there to be found and rediscovered, my fear is that there are people who are simply incompatible with the world. Their energy, their frequency, their being, their trueselves are simply too much and too bright for a world that built and made to be greyscale, to be rigid and slow, to be shallow and devoid of meaning and purpose. These people find themselves in moments of true feeling, of times and chaos and beauty, and it in these moments that they feel a sense of connection to the world, because that is what they are - chaos and beauty.

Perhaps there are people who are too much for the world. Perhaps they have within them remnants of stars and galaxies that demand a higher energy. Perhaps your incompatbility is merely the reality that your soul burns brighter, with more vigour, more beauty, passion, and emotion, that what society expects. It is a heavy price to pay to be isolated and misunderstood; but what would the night sky be without stars?

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