Too often does one’s incompatibility present itself akin to struggling head first through a blizzard of icy shrapnel. It is an assault, both physically and mentally, as the white haze presents and attempts to overwhelm and to force one to retreat.

“How dare you try to defy me?”, it taunts, as the confines and edges of your mind begin to close in on itself.

“You are alone” - it continues.

Of course you are, you do not even need to look into the frosty haze to confirm nature’s taunts, you have always felt it and always been more than aware of your isolation.

Your awareness alone of the ensuing attack and chaos of all that around you would suffocate most others; those who do not feel and see that what you do, and yet this storm is not a random event - it is your existence.

And yet, despite the attempts to drown you, to control you, to subdue you; time will slow and the overwhelm will subside. The snow hitting your skin will melt on impact and the winds around you will soften.

It is an odd sensation to be stood at the eye of a storm. There is a heaviness to the calm, a terror to the silence. The destruction continues, but there is a profound, deep, and beautiful stillness in my presence. It is a welcome reprieve, but it comes with a sense of sorrow. I am grateful for any momentary silencing of doubt and anxiety, but so too am I fearful of the silence - it carries a terrifying duty and responsibility; a clarity of which I still cannot see but that I can feel more than ever.

This place that I find myself is not peace, and yet neither is it sadness. It just is.

Perhaps this is natural consequence of looking further and deeper beyond the chaos, that of course I would eventually reach the abyss and feel the presence of the supernova that presides deep within me. And perhaps I was expecting something destructive - something chaotic, messy, and broken; and yet upon surrendering to myself, I have discovered a beautiful and heavy quiet, all encapsulating at the same time, but something that feels true and right.

And I have met it with a renewed awareness of the path ahead. A terrifying and yet necessary path, with terrifying loss and profound beauty and power - and seeing it with serenity and duty. It is an acceptance of a destiny that I cannot consciously see, but one which I feel and acknowledge. I sense a burden of duty and responsibility that I cannot yet comprehend, and a destruction and sacrifice that I cannot not yet see. It sits heavy on me, but my soul is telling me to accept with grace and purpose - like greeting a friend simply meant to be reunited.

And with the acceptance of destiny and the surrendering to that so coined beautiful curse, so to comes the increased awareness and isolation from that from which must be left behind. Being present at the eye of a storm is to be detached from both the past and the present. I find myself at the moment of an implosion - with the knowledge of what once was, and sitting at the moment before the great expansion of which is impending.

Finding myself creates an ever widening chasm to that which I know that I am not. The echoes of the shallow world drift further from me and I increasingly find myself between realities in a place where time runs slower and more purposeful. This solitary space is a world between worlds, one that is tinged with the ghost of sadness of what must be left behind to reach the sunrise at dawn.

And despite the solitude I sense that this sacred place is familiar to others who are standing at similar thresholds, feeling the same profound sense of awareness of the path ahead. Perhaps in our worlds between worlds we do not yet shine bright enough to provide comfort for others, but there is a sense of connection much like a cosmic familiarity that despite being detached and isolated from the dull and corrosive society, that we are meant for something much more divine.

This stillness is the filling of the lungs of air before the song. It is the lighting of the match and the moment before ignition and amplification of the fires within our souls. There will be times when the blizzard is overwhelming, when the grip of the world tries to suffocate us, and when we struggle to make sense of that which life is telling us - after all we see and feel more than which others can only imagine.

So we don’t have the answers for what comes next, but perhaps for now, as we wait in the profound stillness of the collective deep breath in, it is enough to know that we are not alone in this solitude; for we are each sat primed with a beautiful and terrible power.

Sign Up for Letters from Maegenki

If you enjoyed this reflection, please consider signing up to the newsletter. Reflections and essays direct to your email. Unsubscribe anytime.

Subscribe

We only use your email to send Maegenki updates. No sharing. Unsubscribe anytime.